Dedicated to my sunshine.

January 21, 2010

You cry because of the person you love the most but not the person who loves you the most.

January 24, 2010

Wan went back to Tronoh. Ummi came back from Australia yesterday. She must be having a great time wasn't she? Adapting herself to the surrounding wouldnt be a problem for her. She is really good at that. People will always accept her..Let's talk about her.

I've known her since form 1. when i first saw her...she had a short hair and i wondered why wasn't she wear tudung? haha it was a school day anyway and then i knew that she had a badminton game that morning. We didnt talk much but she has been such a good listener and a friend of course especially when i was having problems with all my classmates. Personally she is kind and warm-hearted. That is why everyone seems to be easy-going around her.

She used to say to me:

"I didn't search for people but somehow people come to me"

I wonder how it feels like because it never happened to me.

When i was dealing with a great  emotional conflict in my life, she was my life savior. A helping hand that comes with an open heart. She helped me a lot. When my world turned upside down  she was there to grab my hands and told me tu pull back myself together. She's great isn't she? God has created such a beutiful character that seemed to be Ummi's.

Whenever i came to her, there will definitely be a warm smile that greet me first.

That is my ummi, my sunshine.

end.

January 25, 2010

No one ever told me that he or she misses me so farsince the last day of school. If I ask "Do you miss me?" I know, the answer will be "yes" and I don't blame them for saying that because that will be a perfectly beautiful lie to me. haha

Suddenly I felt lonely right now. My tears ruined up my make up. Strolling in the internet could be pathetic sometimes. I read Ummi's post at Arina's wall. She said that she missed her. I was so excited to see that if she posted the same thing on my wall too. Too bad, I've seen none.

I guess she missed me but she forgot to say it. hahahahahaa right?

"Arina, Ummi, and Mia" These names always came to my mind first because at least for me, they are my best friends. At least... for me. They surely have tons of friends, but too bad.. I think I only have them.

February 1, 2010 

It's a fine day. A perfect start for a new month. Not to mention, my 18th birthday is just around the corner. 13th February. Not exactly two weeks. It falls on Saturday this year. Ummi couldn't make it to my birthday, She said she would be in KL untill March. Good for her! Having a wonderful time of her own. I could only wish for her happiness. It's not much fun to be with me anyway? hahaha

February 9, 2010

Ummi came back yesterday. She went to Kolej and she did not even told me about it. I was right there at the same place. At least, tell me that you're back.

<...>

I got too emosional when it comes to friendship isn't it? It's true I want to feel the sense of belonging at least to be important in someone's life. No one ever keep in touch with me since the last day of school. no one. I'm not as affectionate as Ummi, Mia, and Arina. 

I called Ummi just now and I told her how frustrtated I am. I laugh but I laugh in tears. My dear ummi, it's okay if you think it's funny for it shall brighten up your day and it makes me glad for making you smile my sunshine but you never uderstand how i feel.

February 10, 2010

I've been thinking about my birthday wish. If I could have one...

I wish for friends.

February 28, 2010

I was ashmed with myself for keep burdening myself especially Ummi and Mia. 

Mia always be the strong one and never walk away when I was having a hard time. She rather stay and wait for me while i was building a wall to keep a distance from her. I never wanted to be helped. But amazingly, she was still there with a great patient in her warm heart. 

Ummi will always be my sunshine. When the sky turns dark and rain drops fall down, Ummi is the sunshine who breaks to the dark stormy cloud to clear the sky for a bright new day. 

It's a perfect picture for a true friends. But my dear, I become greedy of their friendship.  Now, they actually started to let go of me so that I can back on my feet again. suddenly i realised that i was left far away behind them. I tried to catch up quickly but the faster i ran after them, they seemed to be far ahead. and now I stop because I'm tired of chasing them.

March 3, 2010 

I never thought I was going to do this at the first place. I thought I was just going to forget her birthday and worse of all I thought I am done with her. But why? I can't abandoned or ignored her. I know she would be happy without me because love is all around her. but dear god...

you know how much I love her.

I bought her present this morning. I really hope you like it. i always love you my dear ummi and i always mean it. 

March 6, 2010 

Dear, have a spectacular birthday. may you'll always be surrounded with love. Eventhough if i need to walk away from your life, I'll never forget your special day, the day my sunshine was born.

March 16, 2010 

Says who, dream is not real. It is, whenever your heart believes so.

I saw myself sitting alone in the middle of the crowd. Then I saw Mia, Ummi, Arina, and Alam walked towards me with the warmest smile I've ever seen. Everyone was smilling to me.  They all hugged me. Every person I love the most was there with me. They all asked me, "are you ok?". 

Thank you. Thank you for asking...thank you for seeing me even if it was just a dream. :)

April 21, 2011 

Handphoneku berbunyi dan mataku tertacap pada sebaris nombor yang tidak ku kenali. Tapi gaya penulisan itu amat ku kenali. Hanya seorang sahaja yang menaip mesej dengan cara begitu. Tapi mungkinkah..tidak. Tidak mungkin. Ya aku pasti..dialah orangnya. "What took you so long dear.?"Air mataku berderai jua saat ku membaca mesej itu. Rasa kesyukuran menghimpit setiap benakku. Akhirnya, kau kembali..my sunshine.

Salam~

To make this short and simple, sy nak mintak maaf kat awak~

Maybe dulu banyak benda yang saya buat awak terasa sampai awak tak nak kawan dengan saya~

Dulu memang saya ignore kawan-kawan tapi tak terniat pun sampai nak putuskan persahabatan tu~

Mungkin sekarang awak dah anggap macam tak kenal saya sebab saya pernah jugak anggap awak macam tu lepas aqak block saya kat FB~

Tapi saya rasa maybe semua salah saya, so saya nak mintak maaf kat awak~

To forgive is you right and i don't force you to do so~

Cuma nak tunaikan hak saya sebagai seorang saudara, tak lengkap iman seorang saudara kalau tak menyanyangi saudaranya~

Saya tetap sayangkan awak dan slalu ingat kata-kata awak, I'm your sunshine~

Though I'm not anymore, maybe but I still keep it in my heart~

Once a friend always a friend.

Ummi, lamanya awak nak datang. saya sentiasa tunggu awak. saya tak pernah marah pada awak tapi awak tak tahu berapa lama saya tunggu saat ini kerana sebenarnya saya terlalu penat untuk mengejar kasih sayang awak. Meski saya terpaksa menyayangi awak dari kejauhan, biarlah..you know i always love you. till now. :)

Dalam sepanjang tempoh tu sebenarnya, tiada seorang pun yang menghubungi diriku. 3 bulan itu belalu sepi tanpa panggilan dan sapaan kalian. mungkin aku rindu dalam sepi bersendirian :)

end.